One of my favorite blogs is Creature Comforts and Ez is someone I admire tremendously. When she started this openness and honesty thing I was reading all the other blogs and feeling such respect for everyone who was telling things that they were afraid to put on their blogs. Today it hit me that I have blogs of my own and even though I’ve been pretty open on all of them, there are still things I haven’t mentioned for whatever reasons I have. So today, I will tell you five things that I am afraid to tell you:
1. I live every day with the pain of knowing my son took his own life. What I haven’t told anyone on my blogs is that he hung himself. He did it just before Christmas in 2008, but it is still like yesterday in my mind. I expose a lot of my feelings on my Pinterest board “Scott No Matter What”
2. I don’t write about being lonely. I am 65 years old and live alone…and it looks like I’ll be that way for the foreseeable future. I am very lucky to have a daughter who is devoted to making my life better.
3. I worry about my finances. I live on my Social Security and am working on getting my degree online and I am accruing a huge amount of student loan. My intention is that I will do grief counseling when I graduate. But my secret is that I have done nothing about trying to arrange to do my required internship to get my clinical experience. I keep “planning” to do it.
4. Even before I lost my son I suffered from clinical depression and have been on medication for it for years. Thank God for Prozac! I tend to have highs and lows, but manage to get through the days one at a time…sometimes it’s more like one hour at a time. That’s something I don’t tell anyone.
5. I am a virtual recluse. I do get out of the house, but not on a regular basis. In fact, last month I stayed home so long my car battery expired and I had to have AAA come to start my car so I could go out! I just got myself a new camera because I think it’ll give me a motive to get out and take pictures. I loved photography when I was in college and I want to feel that enthusiasm again.
There…five things I don’t write about. I don’t even talk about them! So, now my life is pretty much an open book…except for a couple of things I never talk about at all. In fact I try not to think about them, so they live in a dark corner of my mind. That’s a sixth thing I don’t want to tell you. I do want to tell Ez a big thank you for beginning all this and to Jess for telling her own secrets. It’s a good thing and we, (that’s me and the other blogs I’ve read) are better for it.
By the way, I’m really not SuzySomething. I’ll continue to use it because this site says that’s who I am, but my name is really Sara Kate.